Cozy Yoga Life by Shannon Caldwell

Cozy Yoga Life Ep09 The Four Agreements

• Shannon Caldwell • Season 1 • Episode 9

Share episode

In today's episode of Cozy Yoga Life, I sit down for my first podcast interview with life coach and yoga teacher Stacy Olsen to discuss her favorite book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. We'll discuss each agreement and demonstrate how it aligns seamlessly with yoga philosophy. We'll chat about how this simple yet powerful wisdom weaves together to create inner peace and personal freedom.

Links related to this episode:

Connect with me:

You're listening to Cozy Yoga Life, the podcast for yoga teachers who crave more from their practice and lives. I'm Shannon Caldwell and I'll be your guide on this journey of simplicity, self care and self discovery. So let's cozy up, unwind, and dive into today's episode. I'm coming to you today, Cozy Crew, with a special episode. It's my first interview, and I couldn't have picked a better person to do the interview with than my friend Stacy Olson. Thank you for having me first of all, especially to discuss one of my favorite topics which I won't reveal just yet. I'll let you do that. I started in yoga teacher training in 2008 with Miss Shannon, and my first introduction to the class was, I'm just doing this because I want to learn more about yoga. I will not be teaching yoga. And then fast forward to when I started teaching yoga and then assisting you with teacher trainings and then running teacher trainings and then taking 300 hours with you to further my teaching and trainings. I can't remember what year that was that I did my 300 hour, but that is where my desire to do life coaching Was born. In fact, if I go back and look at my notes, which yes, I do still have. I actually had a couple of notes. One, like you and I were kind of sending a paper back and forth to each other. You were telling me about this yoga life coaching that was happening. And cause I think you were kind of considering dabbling in it too. It took me a little bit but I actually did go through coaching training. Then in 2019, I went to a retreat in Bali, came home, sold my house, quit my job and decided I was going to do coaching full time. In a nutshell, that's my yogic journey. Was it the 200 or the 300 where you brought up this book? Because I was thinking it was the 200 hour. It was the 300 hour. What was the, what was this book? Your favorite topic? My favorite topic is the four agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When you introduced it to me and I read through it, it was something that I said, yeah, this has got to be a part of teacher training and it's been a part ever since 2010 or 11. So a long time. I love it. I still utilize it today. Like with when, even when I'm coaching, like actually when I sign a client for longterm coaching, I send them a travel size of the four agreements. But when I sign a coaching client, I send that to them because I call it my operating manual. I really liked how as I was reading through the four agreements, there was a lot of alignment with yoga philosophy, and I know you found that as well. What were some particular points that stood out for you? Yoga in and of itself just meaning union and once you start delving a little deeper into the philosophy, you know, The union, it's not an external union. It's really uniting your mind, body, heart, and soul within yourself. When you think about yoga and how the idea of union and, really alleviating suffering from different aspects of your life, that's really what the four agreements are. These are four agreements that we have to make with ourselves to alleviate suffering. When I read it the first time, it was just life changing and then it just continues to You mentioned that you worked with me and co taught with me on yoga teacher training, and I always gave you that section on the four agreements because it was your favorite. So if you wouldn't mind, would you share the four agreements with our cozy crew listeners? Absolutely. So the first one is be impeccable with your word, which impeccable means essentially perfect. Which depends on how you feel about perfect. I believe that exists, but not all the time. So it can be a little subjective, but really it boils down to say what you mean, mean what you say. Be kind, don't lie. The second one, and I always confuse the second and third one, second one is don't take anything personally, which for me, that was like my biggest eye opener. Because the very first sentence of the chapter is nothing that others do or say has anything to do with you. I feel like I need to say that again. Maybe a little slower. Nothing that other people say or do has anything to do with me. And if you can just let that sink in for a minute. I used to liken it to traffic. Like if someone cuts you off in traffic. It has nothing to do with me. I have no idea what their situation is. Maybe they didn't see me. Maybe they're in a really big hurry. Maybe they're just a jerk, you know, but it has nothing to do with me. So that actually was like one of the, the biggest things that helped me with my road rage because I sat in traffic for an hour, sometimes each way to and from work, and so that was very helpful for me. The third, agreement is don't make assumptions. We all know the old saying that assuming makes an ass out of you and me. It really does, because if you assume, that the guy that just cut you off in traffic is just a jerk, what if you later find out his pregnant wife was in labor in the back seat? You assumed incorrectly. Ask questions, be clear on what you say and be clear as you're listening. And then the fourth agreement is always do your best, which that's probably my favorite. Cause it's just such a blanket. So it just depends on where you are which defines what your best is. If you're always trying to do your best, then you can't go wrong. You mentioned that number two, the don't take anything personally, that that one was the eyeopening one for you. I have to admit it was the eyeopening one for me as well. Of the four, that was probably the one that was the most life changing for me, especially as I considered myself someone who took everything personally. Studying that particular agreement really, I felt like allowed me to take a pair of scissors and snip the strings that attached to that. In the book, Don Miguel talks a lot about freedom and finding freedom and I think you mentioned freedom from suffering. So that one was a big one for me too. Now, as I was prepping for our interview, going back over the four agreements, I realized now that I've got a decent handle on number two, but it's number four now that's really starting to kick my And because, you know, we were talking about it before we started recording is getting older and going through menopause. I find myself comparing where I am today, where I was five years ago or 10 years ago, really being hard on myself because I'm in a different stage of life and I'm having to do a lot of work internally and externally to change the way I think about myself, to change the way I think about where I am in my life and what stage I'm in. I'm going to have to go back and read the chapter again on always do your best and your best changes. Especially with always do your best. It just, it, it, it's just, leave such a space for allowing grace, which is one of my favorite words in the world because grace just means allowing things to be as they are and accepting, accepting them for that, which in our human bodies can be very challenging to do. I think about if I try and do some yoga poses now, they look a little differently than they used to, they feel a lot different than they used to. Yes. I've been working with frozen shoulder for about a little over a year now. I went through six months of like physical therapy that was not enjoyable. It's so limiting. And so to take those limits and to realize, okay, I'm limited at this time. How can I readjust so that I can continue to do my best? Just on a different level and the one thing too that I loved about always do your best It says no more no less which as women I think we're constantly trying to do better than our best because so much of it is expected of us. I think just going back to the yoga philosophy of uniting your mind your body your spirit within is so important to tie those things together so that we're constantly showing ourselves grace in our body, in our mind, in our heart. So then that way we can be more empathetic, we can help share that with others just by having discussions like this. You know, realizing new things about these agreements and different ways that they can be applied in your life. That's one thing that I've always loved about yoga is that it evolves with me and the four agreements are the same way they evolve to however you're changing. There's always something you can learn from it. Something new you can take away or a reminder within the agreements. Once I was really struggling with number two and now I'm really struggling with number four. In five years, it may be something completely different. Given the fact that I've been practicing and reading and working through these for the last, 10, 12. years. I just with the be impeccable with your word, I've always related that being impeccable with other people, like externally saying things, keeping to your commitments, being kind and not lying. Literally like two weeks ago, I had never thought about the concept of being impeccable with my word with me. I've recently been working with a group of women, that we're all kind of on this spiritual, like awakening path and we're all getting these little tidbits. And that was mine in that, we were talking about, you know, with going through menopause and going through this weight gain that is inexplicable and things like that, and trying to work through physical changes in my body. Like I've never been able to really make a commitment to myself to, you know, work through some of these things until I realized, like, when I say I'm going to get up and work out in the morning, like that word, I need to be impeccable with that's my impeccable law abiding word. Rather than go through negotiating with myself or making excuses, if there's something I don't want to do, all of that energy has just been like an energy leak. Now when I say I'm going to work out in the morning, I get up and rather than saying, maybe I should do it later. Should I do the treadmill? Should I go outside? Should I eat first? Which tennis shoes should I wear? You know, rather than all of these negotiations and excuses, no, it's, I said, I was working out and I'm working out. And that might mean a 90 second of jumping jacks. But whatever it is, I'm doing my best and I'm being impeccable towards myself. And that's been a really huge revelation for me recently is just applying each of these agreements in a different way, and especially like making it more self centered. When I was talking about the Yamas and the Niyamas, that's the way in which we interact with the world outside and the world within ourselves. And that if we're not able to have those commitments or agreements with ourselves, we sure can't do it with other people. We just don't have the capacity or the empathy or the sympathy to do that for other people if we can't do it for ourselves. Totally agree. I remember a story with the four agreements. I don't know if you remember this, I got a phone call that I wasn't expecting and in the phone call, the individual on the other line was essentially confronting me about teacher training and a few other things. I was so blindsided by the confrontation that I'm sitting there, you know, frozen, not able to say anything. And then once I got off the phone, you were like my immediate phone call after. And you picked up and I said, Stacy, oh my God, I just broke all four agreements in one conversation. I do remember that. Yes. And, and we probably said, okay, one by one, let's go through. You had to, you kind of had to talk me off of the ledge there from one, I had assumed I knew what the person was calling about and usually I let that person go to voicemail and then deal with them after the fact. Well, the good news is, is none of what they had to say had anything to do with you. What she was confronting me about there was absolutely no bearing on the way I did anything or conducted myself or conducted my business. You mentioned that when you bring on a new client, that the four agreements is part of that. It's your foundation or it's, I'm sorry, what did you call it? I call it my operating manual. Your operating manual. Awesome word there. How do you find that using the four agreements like that, how does that benefit both you and the client that you're working with? Cause hopefully I want, yoga teachers to be able to see how they can incorporate the four agreements into not only their practice, but when they're teaching too. I'll go back to the being impeccable with your word. I am what you call a little direct. Sugarcoating is not my specialty. Sometimes when I say things, they come across as mean or hurtful or too much for my clients., I saw on a TV show, these two best friends were chatting and one was kind of like having a bad situation and complaining a little bit about something and the other one said, okay, do you want tough or fluff? So do you want my response to be like, get over it? Or do you want my response to be? Oh, come here. You know, I'll give you a hug, which that's typically not the option you're going to get for me. I like for people to understand that when I'm being direct, it's because I'm trying to be impeccable with my word. I don't use a lot of words or I attempt to not use a lot of words to describe things. I try and use words as precisely as possible. So sometimes when I say things, if you're not aware of the fact that I try to be impeccable with my word, it can come across as like curt or, the tough as opposed to the fluff, and so it's just good to for both to have a basis. But also in the same way, I'm helping them to realize they're being impeccable with their word can help in a lot of situations. With the not taking things personally and not making assumptions very much in a working relationship and a business partnership, you want things to be very clear. You want to know, what your intentions are, what the client's intentions are. So you want to work through what possibly be taken as personally and understand that it's not. I've just never cared for assumptions. I ask a lot of questions. And then just always doing your best. Like I'm not perfect. They're not perfect. You know, it's a new relationship that we're building and so let's just do our best and work together on this. I use it as a basis, not only for our working relationship, but also it just so many times if someone's, having an issue with somebody, a lot of it can be solved by not assuming and not taking it personally and then being impeccable with your word by going to them and trying to work things out or not, and then just always doing your best again. If we can alleviate any of the mishaps or misunderstandings, even better. I love the four agreements, especially with female relationships, woman to woman relationships, because I'll have like a hundred tabs open on my brain and I'm always overthinking. Somebody says something and I have learned that the four agreements helps me to cut that off. I don't create unnecessary drama for myself Did I understand that or am I filling in gaps and making assumptions, which probably nine times out of 10, I am. I am making an assumption or, you know, somebody said something and, and I thought it was about me when, you know, it might've been about their pet cat or something. That's one of the things about taking things personally that, I like for clients to understand about being impeccable with your word, because even Don Miguel Ruiz says it, taking things personally, that's kind of egotistical, like what makes you think that they are over there talking about you, you know? You just have to understand that everyone else doesn't see it that way. Clearing it up by having these discussions. Reach out to someone and say hey when you said This, it made me feel this way. And they're like, I said that, like, they don't even remember the conversation. So you've been walking around with this grudge or hard feeling and they don't even know what you're talking about. One of the first things that I try to do is just start very small. Being impeccable with your word can sound like a very large task. So just taking things one step step at a time. And I love, especially working with baby yoga teachers. One of the first things I teach them as far as being impeccable with your word is, you know, you don't have to like over explain yourself. So if someone says, Hey, Shannon, your hair looks great today. Rather than saying, oh, well, this and that and the other, and oh, but I felt like this, and oh, this happened. Oh, it's there to cover my gray growing in. Right. You can say thank you. So that can be one very simple way to start with being impeccable with your word, is just, you know, both sides of that, complimenting someone on something you think they're doing great in or they're visibly showing is doing great in, and then just allowing on the other side of that, allowing for the compliment and not telling stories and making up things in your head or saying them out loud. Just say, thank you. So that's one of the first things that I like to use with the baby teachers. I think that's a great starting point, a great stepping stone to get deeper into the work of the four agreements. I so appreciate you taking time out of your day to come on to the podcast and talk about your favorite book of all time, the four agreement. I am going to drop all of Stacy's information in to the details. If you want to learn more about her life coaching or where you can get your own copy of the four agreements, I'm going to have all of those Links below. That wraps another soul nourishing episode of Cozy Yoga Life. As always, thank you for letting me be a part of your yoga journey. If you enjoyed today's authentic conversation, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Until next time, stay cozy, take care of yourself, and keep it real.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Shannon Caldwell

Host